Nude Nuisances


It’s getting dangerous to take your clothes off in this country.  All across the nation, police are raising the eyebrows at the bare skinned among us.  And that would be ok, if that was the only thing they were raising.  But the sad reality is that they’re pulling something of their own out of their pants when they spy too much flesh… their citation pads.  There is no tolerance for the celebration of nudity in America. The American motto, Guns are awesome, nakedness is only for HBO, seems unwilling to change.  The following stories warn us that we must step with care when our feet (and entire bodies) are bare.

1. Edwin Tobergta

This poor soul was arrested a few times actually, just because he liked to get freaky with pool floats. A neighbor or two observed his float love and quite rudely called the police. Now, maybe you are saying “he can do whatever he wants in his bedroom, but he should refrain from making love with his pool toys in public.” But that’s elitist. Obviously, he’s too poor to have an indoor pool. He can’t take his mate out of it’s natural habitat, it wouldn’t be right. So, Mr. Tobergta ends up in custody just because America wasn’t GGG enough.

2. An attorney from Gainsville, Florida

This guy was unfairly arrested when he was just innocently naked in a strangers house bedroom at 6 am. I’m sure had no bad intentions. The news report said he had to be tased because he ran away after she was like “wtf?” and called the police.  However, the news doesn’t answer the most important question: “did he lose control of his bladder when they tased him?”

If you are still desperate to be naked outside your home, go find a nude beach. Or go this haunted house. Just remember, don’t have sex with any object in public and don’t be naked in some woman’s bedroom unless she invited there.

(image: A sign warns against undue shredding of clothes via Shutterstock)

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