Bully Porn Addict Sues Apple
Don’t get me wrong, I generally applaud anyone suing Apple. I think they are pushing intellectual property law to the point where it limits healthy competition and will eventually destroy America’s competitive edge. (And, hey, republicans if you are looking to get more youth in your ranks, this might be a good issue for you. You are supposed to support the free market and capitalism, right?) But that’s a rant for another day. Because, today, I’m defending Apple. Partly, because the lawsuit is so absurd, but also because I’m really sick of lawsuits that serve no purpose but to bully people and/or companies around.
So, first the facts, Chris Sevier recently decided to sue Apple, because they . . . wait for it . . . allow porn to be viewed!!! On like . . . ALL OF THEIR DEVICES! Apparently, he missed the whole point of the internet. He claims that in allowing minors to have access to the internet, Apple is in violation of the Tennessee Code Annotated section 39-17-911. Which says you can’t give pron to minors. Makes sense.
So, if he were to win, it would mean that providing someone with a device that can access the internet is giving them porn. And his lawsuit seeks to put the burden on the company selling the evil internet accessing device to make sure young, impressionable minors can’t access boobies, less the company be criminally liable and the youth . . . have impure thoughts.
If this were to actually work, it would be approximately the dumbest thing ever. Tons of other totally unsexy websites would accidentally get trapped in the filter. Because that’s what always happens. In grade school I did a paper on the Elephant Man and all the websites about the guy were blocked. Which, in retrospect, would be a really awesome name for a pron star.
Also, you would have the “well, is Victoria Secret allowed?” debate. And of course putting the burden on companies creates a huge strain on them to try and figure all this out. It also subjects them to massive liability. I mean, come on, Apple’s crap devices is are already expensive enough!
Mr. Sevier’s complaint states that he will happily withdraw his lawsuit as soon as Apple starts sending out their dirty little devices with a brand spanking new chastity belt. Which means, of course, that it’s an attempt to bully and nothing else. I mean no reasonable human being would actually consider making this a law. So, Mr. Sevier is hoping that Apple will throw up their arms and think that it’s easier to put some crappy filter on their next ipone3240983 than deal with his lawsuit.
I see this crap all too often. Some lawyer who never got to be the big kid on the playground pushing everyone around on the account that he or she was just too much of a worthless dork, decides he can finally live out his dull bully dreams in the form of litigation. So, he files some dumb lawsuit and hopes that it’s just too costly for a company to not do what he says.
Of course, only lawyers bully to limit the world’s access to naked flesh. So, Thanks Mr. Sevier, this is why people hate lawyers.
